It's been an interesting experience thus far...

Ups Downs and the Lessons.

Well it's go time for this contest. Thanks to everyone for the kind words and encouragement. I thought it would be a good idea to get my thoughts down on "paper" so I can look back.

I'm having my picture, measurements and weight taken tomorrow. I'm more than a little freaked out about it!!!. I'm feeling the most uncomfortable I have in years...I'm soft from not training...I'm really struggling with the idea of jumping this far out of my comfort zone! I knew this would come, and I wondered how I would react...I guess now I know.

Commitment to change to improve and to be healthy

I'm not sure why this is so hard for me to do, why I'm so anxious about being seen not at my best, just out of bed so to speak. I know full well I will be back in good shape in a couple of weeks...but knowing I need to expose my worst is hard! 

I've learned a lot though this and I'll have to just take a breath tomorrow and know I did this for a greater purpose, to learn and to have a healthier lifestyle...and better self image.

I have to say I feel much better about my relationship with food. I can honestly honestly say that I did not enjoy very much of the crappy eating. I really paid attention to how I felt eating poorly, and for the most part I really just didn't want to be eating it. I'd say the novelty wore off pretty fast for me. 

That taught me that I really do have a grip on this...I really don't have to worry about going back to how I was before. That lesson alone is worth this.

I've decided to promise myself I will trust this process. I will trust Craig and Alyssa with my diet and my training. Me giving up control is beyond hard...I feel a little sick typing it. 

Strong enough to start over

I am smart enough to realize that what I was doing was NOT working...so in order to learn something new, that should work...I need to do everything they say. I have to resist the urge to eat less because I think I should, I need to not do more cardio because I think I should. I need to trust in this process...that will be a huge challenge for me. I'll have to pay close attention to that aspect of this challenge.

So that's how it's gone so far...I've had ups and positive lessons...and some downs because of fears and insecurity.

I've really understood that it's ME against ME...just like when I changed the first time. 

Truth