The Next Step...Where do I go from here???....

Where do I go from here?...What is my next step??

It wasn't even 12 hours after my photo shoot with Fab Fem and the Body by Bongelli that I had people asking me..."So what are your next goals"...I was thinkin in my head...My current goal is to eat a large hamburger...and perhaps even some french fries-lol... I was still just basking in the glow of my amazing whirlwind day, and enjoying the feeling of being finished a goal that was sooo hard to achieve!!

As the weeks went on I started to think....Man...what DO I do next?...GRR back to that feeling of limbo...my workouts didn't have a real purpose anymore....The end had come. I do enjoy goals and I felt very "goalless"

In my first blog I spoke about running, and how it made me feel...how it was something I did JUST for ME...it was my time...ME against ME. I started to think about running the same half marathon that I had run before I started training with Craig...but the thoughts of failure crept into my head....what if I'm not good at running anymore??...how will all this added muscle effect my running??...how can I do both?...run and weight train?....I didn't want to give up or loose any of the gains I had made.

I posted on Facebook that I was thinkin of running again....I actually love the input from others...I like to hear from other people in fitness, other walks of life...those close to me...and those that really are just FB friends. In the end all decisions are mine...I find that I often get responses that make me think...and I value that.

I heard from two people who's opinions and advice truly matter...Sandra and Alyssa...they both said...Of course you should run!!...it's where you started...and it's what you should do again!!...Running is who you are. I got goose bumps when I read there responses...and I also felt sick to my stomach at the thought of failure. Anyone that really knows me knows...I don't do Failure OR Embarrassment.

I went into work that night and Chris a trainer sent a client down to talk to me about weight loss and keeping it off...she happened to be a runner. I had goosebumps as I spoke with her...we connected and I knew she was my sign...my kick in the butt to just swallow any fears and try to kill my previous running times...to jump back in and fall in love with the sport all over again.

She told me about an awesome 10k in Toronto....she said the metal is so juicy and beautiful...runners run for the metals and the t-shirts ;)...she had me at the thought of another beautiful metal. The Toronto 10k is my starting point for this season...April 22nd is my day to jump back in!!

My Temptation ;)

So at the end...I'm in...I've chosen to swallow my fears of failure...and hit the pavement with the same dedication I gave to my training with Craig. I feel it's the perfect challenge for me...a battle between  me and my mind...I know I have the body to run...Craig gave me loads of strength...now its all about training my mind to deal with long runs again. The battle for runners is the fight your brain has with your body...one wants to go...the other wants to stop...it's sick that we love it...but I KNOW it makes me stronger...every time I keep going...I totally WIN ;)

Some times you just need a sign...you have to be willing to see the sign...and to have the guts to jump.

So...I'm Jumping-Gulp...GOAL is to finishing the Niagara Half Marathon in under 2hrs...BOOM!

A Perfect "Ending".....How it all came together! :) :)

In a previous Blog I mentioned that I had a vision in my head of what I wanted to look like at the "end" of my journey. I talked about spending endless hours in front of the mirror moving fat around trying to see the person I wanted to be.

When I hit my goal weight with Weight Watchers I had never been that small (140 lbs)...and I truly thought I would look fit when I hit that weigh. I had been running and expected to look like what I had envisioned in my head when I hit my goal. I had never been that size before and I was in shock at what 140lbs looked like on me...I was happy...but still didn't feel like I was at the end. I remember Sandra Compton talking about that when she finished her time with Weight Watchers.

I started to train with Craig not long after I started at World Gym... I put my faith in him that weight lifting would not make me FAT...but in fact it would make me look the way I envisioned myself ...it would help me be that person I moved fat around trying to find!!. I told Sandra at the start of my journey...I don't want to be thin...I want to be really fit.

Months and months went by and Craig and I celebrated each victory...drop in weight...drop in body fat...pushing more and more weights...it was so exciting for me to see my body transform...I was slowly becoming the person I always wanted to be...a fit...healthy woman.

One day I sent Craig and email...I said....Hey Craig I think it's time for a new Ab routine...I keep doing so much ab work and I'm not seeing much change. I really wanted nice defined abs, to me that was fitness...His response was not the one I was hoping for!!

He said..."Well Little lady...tell me what your eating...Abs are made in the kitchen and not the Gym"...so I gave him my food journal... he didn't know what half the things were that I was eating...I was still counting "points" after all this time. Craig told me to stop eating weight watchers and start eating like an athlete...my heart stopped!!!...Change the only thing I knew for sure!?!...Was he crazy?!!??...I took many deep breaths...asked an annoying amount of questions...Finally understood the meal plan from Craig and dove in....he had taken me this far...so why not trust him to take me to the end...he hadn't failed me yet.

Soon after starting Craig's new "diet" I noticed changes...I started to see all the beautiful muscles that we spent endless hours creating appear...it was by far the most exciting and challenging time of my life...loosing that last 15 lbs was harder than loosing the first 80 lbs.

One night I was talking with Sandra Compton and my dear soul mate Crystal Cox (another beauty fit girl) I was telling them I still didn't see what everyone else was seeing...l still felt lost...I felt like I would never be happy, I was looking for an end that never seemed to come...my emotions were all over the map...I'm not sure how my at home family or my at work family dealt with me for those few weeks...crying one day...happy the next.

I got an email one day that changed my life...Sandra...Crystal and Nancy Barbosa offered me a photo shoot...something called a FAB FEM...Nancy is the photographer and Crystal is the make up artist for Fab Fems, they celebrate women of all shapes and sizes. They show woman that they are beautiful, sexy, strong and powerful...I had seen Nancy and Crystals work and it was a DREAM come true to have the opportunity to work with them....and to top it off...Nancy wanted to use me for Promo Work!...The pressure was on.

I had 12 days to "cut" for this photo shoot...I wanted all my hard work to show-Cutting is an extreme diet to shred fat allowing your muscles to show. To add more pressure to the day...we were also going to take the photo for the "Body by Bongelli" promo at World Gym...Craig and I are kinda known at the Gym....Big and Little...it's funny to see us train together...I struggle to lift a weight that he can effortlessly lift with one hand...haha!...We thought we should promo the changes we made to our members...in hopes of inspiring them to change.

The Big day came...I was sooo excited and nervous...being photographed in my bra and undies...WOW...ME...WHAT?!!?...The day was amazing...really one of the best days of my life...being pampered by Crystal, she did my make up for the shoots...I felt like a movie star...having Nancy direct me during the shoot...the lighting...the props...it was everything I had ever dreamed about...I LOVE fashion...I LOVE modelling...and this was truly truly a DREAM come true!!

One of the best parts of the day was when I came back in the evening to do the other shoot with Craig...I went into the office and noticed this awesome picture on a large screen...I said...Oh wow that is a really nice....OH MY GOD!!...THAT IS ME!!...I was almost in tears...I didn't recognise myself!!...I honestly didn't know it was me at first...THAT was my moment!!-I FINALLY saw what others saw...I finally saw the person behind the FAT...That moment is what everyone should get to experience...Total shock at how glamorous you can look...at any size!!...it was the perfect perfect ending for me...I finally felt finished and was able to smile at my accomplishments.

I will be forever thankful to Sandra Compton, she started me off, Inspired me, pushed me and helped me finish...Crystal Cox and Nancy Barbaso for that amazing day in my life...the day that left me able to smile at myself and realise just how far I had come. And of course I'm forever thankful to Craig...he pretty much picked me up off the treadmill....taught me to trust...to accept change... He was my Teacher and my Rock through the last part of my transformation.

I am very lucky and thankful for all the help from my at work family....and beyond thankful for the endless support from my at home family....I have Three amazing boys at home and I am so thankful for them!!

Here are a few shots from my amazing Fab Fem day...

Everyone should do a fun photo shoot, or get your makeup done by Crystal...it's truly amazing...you are worth it!!

Body by Bongelli

The photo that shocked me

I love scarves ;)